‘The Inside’ is a series of drawings that contemplate our broken, yet interconnected relationship to one another and to our natural world. It is the second in a series of experimental art shows, the structure of which is inspired by quarantine during covid. These shows are created within a month, hosted via Instagram live, and displayed throughout my apartment.
This particular series was forged in the realities of 2020: COVID-19, a vital and monumental fight for Racial Justice, an economic collapse, the US General Election, and record-breaking wildfires and hurricanes rattling the coasts.
What happens inside of us is usually a direct consequence of context and external events. These are the forces shaping us.
‘The Inside' pen and marker drawings, pair and intertwine human anatomy with lush botanicals, pollinators- even pests. Inspired by digestion and photosynthesis, this show physically breaks down (or builds up depending on how you engage the show) into basic elements: Nature and Human. The ideas and information that we consume are digested almost as literally as the food we eat. They feed or destroy the garden we have inside of us, and they create an atmosphere that we then, quite literally, emit back into the world. It can create oxygen or smoke, leaving those around us and our natural world to adapt and respond. These interior gardens have a delicate balance of decomposition and growth.
As the subjects become more focused the paper and the drawings become smaller. These drawings read much like x-rays, floating in negative space, while the plants do what they do best: they grow and give life. Each plant was specifically paired acting as a healer to that part of the human body. Stripped to the parts of the body that truly identify us as a species and overlooks the aspects of ourselves that we use to divide each other: age, race, economic status, etc. It is also a presentation of humanity in a physically vulnerable and exposed state.
It seems that we as humans usually associate the witnessing of our internal structure with injury, illness - a state of being that requires healing, or with death. That vulnerable posture and perspective felt like the best way to illustrate the state of humanity during 2020 and the importance of its events.
All materials for this exhibit were created using materials I already had in my studio, in order to keep with my commitment to reducing waste in my practice.
Some deeper insight into specific drawings:
Pelvis and Valerian
pen and marker on paper 8x10
2020
I never studied anatomy, so I did not know the difference between a female or male pelvic bone. During my research for this exhibit, I discovered that the woman’s bone is marked by this beautiful open circle. I wrapped her in fruit and botanicals that traditionally are believed to have healing properties: valerian flowers and grapes. I chose wine grapes because grapes as fruit have the capacity to heal in this region of the body, as a wine, they can increase existing problems known to plague this part of the body.
We are a delicate ecosystem of physical, mental, spiritual and communal health.
Guts and Prunes
pen and marker on paper 14x17
2020
‘Guts and Prunes’ is an especially personal drawing. As I was working on this piece, the very parts of my body being drawn were in much turmoil.
It started in February 2020. I started getting sick frequently and I was in a lot of pain almost all the time. It continued to worsen through out the the year. Without getting too deep into my autoimmune condition (Hashimotos) and all the fun it brings, it turns out that I also have a food allergy to most of our daily staples, and my gut had become so inflamed that it was basically screaming at me to listen and stop.
While drawing this piece, I was still in the dark. I didn’t have answers. My body was in pain. Taking the time to draw this essential part of me, even if it was causing me pain, helped to change my perspective, and feel love towards my body instead of making it my enemy. It helped me listen.
I got to cover this part of the body in healing botanicals: prunes, dandelions, ginger and saffron.
This entire show was initially born from contemplation about what we absorb (ideas, mythologies, truth, politics, etc) and how it affects us and the world around us. In this drawing, that idea became physical as well as conceptual. While the invisible things we absorb have a physical impact- so do the physical things.
It turns out that it is all connected and that what we absorb and what we do with it matters.
Heart and Cayenne
pen and marker on paper 14x17
2020
The heart is probably one of the most cliche parts of the body to draw. It’s been overused on every greeting card, tv show, doodle, etc. The organ that marks our being alive, symbolically holds all of our internal complexities. It’s been mis-assigned from the brain to the heart, and yet even with this knowledge we can’t seem to break the association.
I covered the heart in bright and healing botanicals: lemons, cayenne, and wallflowers. Each with healing properties and a history of traditional medicinal use. I gave it a warm and rich palette and surrounded it so densely that it’s almost hidden among the foliage and fruit.
I usually do my best to avoid cliche. However, it turns out that I love the mis-assigned symbolism! It is in our language, philosophy, art, and music, and that it has been for centuries. I find it beautiful that the beating part of our body, represents all of what we are, and that it’s soft and steady rhythm reminds each other and ourselves, of our own humanity.
We share this with the animal kingdom. This nearly inaudible sound marks life in all breathing things.
This great organ not only keeps us alive but also has given us a vessel to communicate our understanding of being alive.
Ribs and Roses
pen and marker on paper 14x17
2020
Ribs and Roses 14x17:
The resemblance of an X-ray, is meant to invite the viewer into examination of both themselves and humanity as a whole. To look at our core, our roots, the very structure that lasts beyond our life in these bodies and defines us as a member of the human species. Taking that part of us, that with time returns to the soil and to dust, and visually attempting to bringing it back into an intertwined and intimate relationship with our planet.
This particular part of our body is one I associate the most with x-rays, maybe that is because it holds so many vital organs, or because it is connected to our spine. Either way, it feels deeply central to our survival. I wove roses, limes, pests and pollinators into this cage. It is a portion of my body that I so rarely think about, and yet it holds and protects two of our most vital organs.
Lungs and Grapefruit
pen and marker on paper 8x10
2020
Breathing in 2020, has at times, felt like a very conscious effort, which made this drawing feel that much more significant. From anxiety attacks to completely toxic air from wildfires, breathing was something- is something I have become conscious of in a new way because of this year.
In this particular drawing I surrounded the lungs with grapefruit that are believed to create a protective coating over these vital organs. I added star anise as well- also meant to have healing properties for our lungs.
Skull and Figs
pen and marker on paper 14x17
2020
I paired figs and blueberries with the skull. They are said to have possible healing properties for things like Alzheimer’s etc. I drew the plants to fill the cavities and come in + out of the places we digest info, ideas and sustenance (eyes, ears, mouth). I detached the jaw to expand the intake space and to show the abundance in which we consume and eject back into the world.
I could go on about how anatomical features eliminates our divisions (race, religion, age, wealth) or how our relationship with this planet is so distorted that we cannot receive the gifts that are right in front of us- All of those threads are embedded in these works...
I hope that with a new year, our hearts and minds will consume and emit things that bring life and bring us closer together (even if it isn’t physically) and that bring healing. 2020 revealed so much that needed to be exposed. I ask that we do not turn away but instead embrace it and find solutions and healing and choose compassion, grace, hope, radically and generous love- love of each other and love for this planet we call home.
Hands and Cat’s Claw
pen and marker on paper 8x10
2020
Hands are the part of my body that I probably use the most and think about the least. I often feel that my hands are likely the most animated and representational parts of my personal body and spirit. As an artist, they create what I think, they show my love, and have the potential to bring life - or to destroy it. I am what my hands are capable of.
Arthritis runs in my family. My Nana’s hands became ‘claw like’ as she got older. Always cupped with fingers that looked like they were in pain. Yet with those hands, she would hug me tight, bring me cookies, touch my face and tell me she loved me, and rub my back in soft circles. She passed away the same day and in the same city in which George Floyd was murdered.
These bony hands are engulfed in cat’s claw and eucalyptus. Both are known to have healing properties for arthritis (and many other ailments). Eucalyptus is a vital part of a monarch butterflies life as well! The monarch’s incredible journey felt significant when thinking of the two individuals that passed out of this world on the same day. Their path winds from the North (Minnesota), where both George and my Nana lived, and finds it’s way back to places like Los Angeles, where I am today.
May these hands be a reminder of the power and fragility we have in this life, to love and give or to take away and destroy- and may we choose to be givers of love.
Disassembled Bones + Flora
I have found a lot of joy in the process of creating ‘The Outside’ and ‘The Inside’, and a fascination in creating a body of work that builds on itself, almost like ingredients for a meal. This worked especially well for a show rooted in and inspired by processing, digestion, and absorption...
So here are some of my ingredients: Bones- especially the connective bones that hold our lives in motion, allow us to walk, run, turn and hold up our heads, and share or create things with our hands. These small but vital bones are essential to us being the people we are and interacting with the world the way we do. - especially when they do not function as they ‘should’.
I loved drawing them mostly disassembled or disconnected from the whole. On their own they are not functional but they are beautiful.
If I am honest I usually see and interpret my body as separate from myself. Almost like another human I am forced to spend life with- something I need to mold and shape into whatever I believe it should be, however it should reflect the ‘me’ I feel I am... It’s a deep disconnect. Breaking down these little interior elements has helped me see my body in a new light.
The body is now less associated with death or the mess of body image, and has become something like a seed that is always evolving and growing- or like ingredients to a great concoction that happens to be me, happens to be you, happens to be billions of individuals trying to find their way in the time that is given.
Bones are the frame that is us. The frame that is human. It is the base line that cannot be distinguished by class or race, it is the core of our species. It is where we find ourselves the same, each with our own nuances- but as identifiably human, and a part of the world we live in.